Confidence

What makes you confident? I have been thinking about this a lot today thanks to my sister. She is attending an event next week and has to give a presentation about confidence.

So what makes you feel confident? Is it knowledge, clothing, makeup, your friends and family? For me I feel confident when I know a subject inside out and if it is important to me I will make sure I know about it. But many things can knock a persons confidence. I have depression and can have months when I don’t feel in the least bit confident about anything I’m doing and it can take the smallest thing to take my confidence away.

I can get very deflated if I don’t think I’ve done a good job or don’t know enough about a subject, which, when you think about it, is pretty silly and unimportant. Not to me. My brain doesn’t seem to be able to cope if I don’t think I’ve done a good job, it doesn’t matter that I have tried, I just see failure, that is the curse of my depression. I don’t know where it comes from, I never had to be the best at anything when I was a child, there was no pressure from my family to be fantastic at anything (according to my mum I’m great at everything, but she’s biased), as long as I did my best and tried that was OK.

I am okay at a lot of things but I’m not really good at any one thing, unless you include spending money and eating chocolate. But I do have confidence in myself for the most part. I lost my confidence for a while but its slowly coming back with work. Some days I have to work harder at it than others but I haven’t given up, and according to my upbringing that’s OK, I’m trying my best and I can’t do anymore than that.

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